She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
