I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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