Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
