he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
