i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
