first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize