I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
