It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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