Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My hand turned me down
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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