i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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