Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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