I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
