Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
