she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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