just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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