My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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