I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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