You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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