Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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