I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
