so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
