Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I could make wine with my vomit
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
