everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
