I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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