So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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