Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
