Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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