I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize