i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
