I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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