The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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