we're chasing vodka with high fives
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
