Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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