I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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