yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
