The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
