Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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