We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
