We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
