we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
