Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
