Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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