so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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