remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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