My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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