whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
