Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
