There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
