id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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