I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
