i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
