In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
