based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
