I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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