Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
