Define "chronic" masturbator.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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