You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
soo... how was my night?
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