if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
