What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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