i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize