the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
