Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
