just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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