Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
