I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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