yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
