i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
