actually, I'm a sock model
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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