I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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