Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
