She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
