This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
