Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
