My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
