I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
