I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
