There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Randomize
