Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
